Friday, March 21, 2008

End of my rope!

Today I felt like I reached the end of my rope. My children are misbehaving at an all-time record high. Frustrating things are happening: the word "no" is being yelled by all, little people are running in all directions, hair is being yanked, punches thrown, you name it--it's happened. I really hate feeling frustrated with my children and complaining about their behavior. I want to have a peaceful, happy home where love abounds and giggles are heard often.
As I was frustratedly throwing the stroller in the back of the Jeep, I had a little sobering moment. Just as I've been constantly frustrated with the naughty behavior of my children, I can't imagine how frustrated my Heavenly Father must get with my constant lack of contentment, jealousy, gossipping, anger, worrying, lack of time spent with HIM... Of all times, at Easter, I should be pouring time into God's Word and in prayer just being so grateful that He saved me--that He counted me worthy of being one of HIS children when actually I am so unworthy!
I truly am thankful for my children. I know that this process of discipline is a refining that may take time to see the end results. My Heavenly Father never puts me out on the curb and gives up on molding me into the image of His Son... I realize that I need to be begging God for wisdom in parenting, wisdom in being a friend & wife, wisdom in living in harmony.
A couple of weeks ago I taught a Bible Study lesson on having joy in our lives through living in harmony. I didn't really relate this to my own family until today. Romans 15:5-7 is really encouraging: 5 May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. 6 Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 7 Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.
That harmony in my family doesn't mean that I just have to let the behavior go, but that I discipline with patience and with that enduring, unwaivering love that 2 Corinthians talks about. It means that I don't let frustration build up in me and then think I'm justified to blow my top at my children in anger. It means I keep teaching, disciplining and loving, but not through my own strength. It means that I spend time loving my children and talking to them about obedience being pleasing to God. It means that I encourage my children to do what is right.
Before I laid the kids down for their nap, we spent some time in the rocking chair. I held Carson so tight until he finally quit fighting me and began loving me back. I wonder how many times God has had to do that to me. I don't want to acknowledge what His will is for my life and keep fighting it and trying to find ways around it, but He keeps holding me tight until I give in and begin to look at the situation through His strength. I don't know if that makes any sense, but it somehow does to me.
I'm so thankful for a God of second chances, forgiveness available in abundance, never waiving love. I want to be that type of mom. The mom that doesn't lose her cool. The mom that always has hugs and kisses and a totally forgiving spirit. I'm growing and learning. I'm so thankful that the Lord's mercies are new every morning! I can't wait to celebrate this Sunday and truly let my Savior know how much He means to me!


Alisa said...

Amen, sister. Thank you for writing that!