Friday, February 5, 2010

So, I'm just going to out myself here:
I'm a pretty stinkin' selfish and proud person.
There you have it.

Yesterday, Carson was running a temp. of 102.5, so we headed to the doctor. He tested positive for strep throat. Then McClain tested positive for strep throat. Then I was positive for I just went to school and got Cloe. She'd only been complaining of a sore throat for three days...

I was so overwhelmingly frustrated.

It came through as pride...
How bad of a mom can I be? How many times can we get strep throat?
I was going to have to tell people that we have strep. again. It's our sickness. It's what we get. I do not like it.

It came through as selfish foolishness...I was going to have to miss MOPS, miss out on fun time with fun moms making fun things.

Mark 7:21-23 For from within, out of the heart of men, come evil thoughts, sexual immoralities, murders, adultery, thefts, coveting, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, evny, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and they defile a person.”

Yes, my heart had turned ugly. As those thoughts filled my mind, I was humbled that, in fact, God did know. He knew the circumstances. He knew my reactions already. I was ashamed at the selfishness that flooded my heart as I made the appropriate calls to get things taken care of for MOPS. I was ashamed at how prideful I was for hating to tell my friends that my kids were sick...again...with always. But God was not surprised. This was not out of His plan for me.

Isaiah 55:8-9 “ For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. “ For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts."

ALL week God has been teaching me again and again that the more I KNOW Him, the more I'll obey Him, the more I'll hear Him, the more He'll direct me... I need reminded of those things often! I needed to KNOW God this week as He convicted me of these sins and wanted me to use this situation for His glory.

Isaiah 55:7 Let the wicked forsake his way, And the unrighteous man his thoughts; Let him return to the LORD, And He will have mercy on him; And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon.

I'm so thankful for a God who offers immediate forgiveness and shows me His ways for life and godliness. Here, I was given time free of other responsibilities to love on my children and care for them.

Galatians 5:13b
...but through love serve one another.

He was giving me time to pray for those around me. There are sweet, God-loving people going through deeper hurt than I can imagine this week. A beautiful young wife and mom lost her husband to cancer; a charming six year old girl begins another round of treatment for a brain tumor; a newborn baby continues to come down off the drugs her mom took while pregnant; a patient friend waits for big test results; a couple fights for their marriage; and so many other hurting people that He brought to mind.

2 Thess. 3:16 Now may the Lord of peace Himself continually grant you peace in every circumstance. The Lord be with you all!
1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your cares on Him, because He cares for you.

God doesn't waste trials in our lives. He wants to use them to teach us and train us to be more like Him, more like our Savior. Even as stinky as strep throat seems, it was not wasted.

Romans 8:6 For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:21-23


Carrie said...

Oh, I'm sorry you guys are sick! :) But I completely understand about the attitude thing- my trials are so small and yet I let them be so big!!!

Following The Fosters said...

hope you all feel better soon! we missed you at mops today! i think some girls made you some of the crafts though!

Jenn said...

I'm sorry your sick again. I wish it would be practical to have a big sick party and all be miserable on the couch together and watch movies. It would much more fun than sitting alone, but then there is the whole germ swapping thing that wouldn't be cool :o) Thanks for your blog post. I will be thinking of you guys as I am sitting on my couch this afternoon - here's to feeling better!

P.S. Thanks for being responsible and picking Chloe up and letting others know. Not everyone is that considerate.

Mark and Laura said...

Thanks so much for your honest blog. I too struggle with that same attitude when my kids get sick. I am so selfish in that I don't want to have extra messes to clean up or have to get out of my own warm bed in the middle of the night to get medicine or give comfort. I have places I want to go and things I want to do...but you are so right. It is selfishness and pride that keep us from seeing what God wants to use this trial for in our lives. Thanks again...I've really enjoyed keeping up on your blog! Hope you all are feeling better soon.

Erin said...

AMEN! So thankful for a God that doesn't give up on us and has so much grace!

une autre mère said...

I heard you guys were sick on Thursday and was so sad for you that you wouldn't be at MOPS. Then Addie was up all night with a bad ear ache and we missed this morning too! I was selfish at first too and frustrated that I couldn't go - especially after slaving away all Thursday morning over the treat we were bringing, and knowing I was going to miss out on a super fun craft! But I also was reminded of many of my friends who are hurting waaaaaay more than myself and was reminded of how blessed I truly am! Thanks for being so honest!

Was this long enough for ya? :)

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